I have been through two emotional breakdowns...both lasting almost a year....was dangerously close to a third and death this last spring/early summer....was dangerously close to death during the second breakdown...I would not leave my house...save to step out on the porch...would eat little....save for comfort food...and feel worse...could barely smile...both times unemployed and no income whatsoever coming in...was living off of my parents...who barely tolerated it...the first time after 10 months I was force by my mother to go on the oregon health plan and then get some meds....the second time i was on the verge of homeless...but i got emplyed just in the nick of time...and started pulling myself from the darkness...with the help of a woman to whom I will always be grateful...even if we are no longer speaking....i went back on the meds last summer...but ran out of prescriptions last fall...and have yet to go back to the doctor...not a very doctor friendly person...seen too many idiots in white coats over the years....besides things have stacked up and i could not get the time to do so...or at least that is what i tell myself...might be i am just too comfortable with depression...the thought of being "normal" scares me....oh well...