Here we go … by popular demand … "I'll Tell Me Ma" translocated to modern-day Craigavon.

I'll tell me ma when I get home
The hoodies won't leave me alone
They offer E and speed and blow
And tried to nick my mobile phone
She is handsome she is pretty
She is the belle of Craigavon City
She is a coortin' 1-2-3
Please won't you tell me who is she

I'll tell me ma when I get home
The chuckies won't leave me alone
Apart they say I will be blown
If I don't move away from home
Just because I'm fly-by-night
A robbing, burgling, threatening shite
A one-way ticket I must buy
For London Town I'll have to fly

I'll tell me ma – aye, will I flute!
Me boyfriend's got me up the chute
She'd do her napper if she knew
And bate me black and bate me blue
I think I'll have to get the plane
And have it fixed across the main
And I'll come home as right as rain
I won't be doing thon again!