Must Our Assets Be Uncovered?
Words:  Sonja W. Oates
Tune:  (3 guesses)

Chorus:
       Must our assets be uncovered
       When we run, Lord, when we run?
       There's a better kind of knickers
       For our hips and for our buns.

I was racin 5000 meters
For the glory of the Queen,
But my father there in the bleachers
Saw what no dad should be seein'.

Chorus

I don't wanta knock the Committee,
Don't wanta be a lousy sport,
But these new Olympic knickers
They are just a tad too short.

If they hide your buns down under
So you're covered from the back,
Then they turn into low riders
So you flash the crowd your crack.

Chorus

Twenty-five laps are too many
When your drawers ride up your thigh!
Guys, your "jock itch" can't hold a candle
To the stress of knickers ridin' high!

Chorus

Guess I'll dig out last year's knickers,
Though they're patched and torn, it's true.
'Cause these new ones just don't cover
Me new Union Jack tattoo!

Chorus

I was hopin' for endorsements
From Adidas and L.A. Gear,
But all I get is bids from Hustler,
From my now world-famous rear!
 

Chorus

(Hurry back to us and to health, Áine!)
 

Sonja