Here's another one of Haywire's songs:

THE KING OF BORNEO

Oh, the minstrels sing of a Borneo king ten thousand years ago,
Who ruled his land with an iron hand, this royal so-and-so.
He loved to chase the bounding stag within the royal wood.
He was also fond of applejack, and the ladies did him good.

A neighboring queen was a gay Coleen; oh, a gay Coleen was she.
She loved to play in a kittenish way with the king across the sea.
So she sent a special message by a royal messenger,
To ask the king to come and spend a week or two with her.

King Borneo old had a rival bold whose name was King Kachoo.
He swore he'd stop this wedding ‘cause he craved the lady too.
So he sent the Duke of Durham to steal the queen away,
And foil the king with a diamond ring, all on a summer's day.

When the news of this foul deed was heard within old Borneo's home,
The king he swore by the shirt he wore, he'd have his rival's dome.
So he sent the Count of Asthma, who was sneezing very bad,
To go and pay the king a call and give him what he had.

The queen grew very wary when she heard him cough and sneeze.
She decided that old King Katchoo was a royal hunk of cheese.
So she hurried back to Borneo and gave the king her hand,
And the strains of Hiawatha were played by the royal band.

They had a royal wedding; all his subjects wished them well.
The dancers danced and the horses pranced; oh, Mister, it was swell.
Old King Katchoo, in his bungaloo, he heard the strains of jazz.
The royal pair passed by him there and gave him the royal razz.


I think this speaks well to Haywire's ability as a songwriter and especially as a rhymester! CHEERS, Bob

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Note from Joe Offer: see the Bastard King of England thread. Could "The King of Borneo" have been written by Frank Crumit? Apparently, Carson Robison also recorded the song.
-Joe-

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Joe: I concur. You can hear Frank Crumit’s recording at the Internet Archive. Crumit is also credited as songwriter on the record label.
-A Mudelf-