Is there a barber in the house?

Could a barber please make his way to the rear of the tent where Charlie Lansborough, Ronnie Drew, Pecker Dunne, Daithi Sproule and Jackie Daly are currently beard-locked.

This is an emergency!

Repeat.

There is a serious case of beard-lock underway at the rear of the tent! Musicians with splendid facial hair are advised to make their way to the front of the tent as quickly as possible and to maintain a safe distance from other musicians who are well-endowed with hair in the gub region.