Following a hastily convened meeting of the Council of Ministers and of the full Commission, we have decided to form a new Commission Directorate-General, to be named DG Antipercussion and to be headed by Deputy Commission President Welsh Windbag Kinnock. My appointment of WW Neil emphasises the Commisssion's commitment toward eliminating this percussion menace that is threatening our unity and civilization. While working fully with our European Member States, the Commission itself will take full measures in purging Bodhranii or those suspected of Bodhranism from amongst its staff and working structures. The Commission has, for many years, been feeling repercussions and we had attributed this to fraud and dishonesty within our own ranks. Now we realize we were wrong. What we were feeling was in fact the actions of concealed cells of Bodhranii amongst our own, sheltering also within the facades of the James Joyce's, Shitty O'Kayes, O'Reilleys and Scruffy O'Neil's littered around the fair capital of Europe.

With the full backing of my team and of WW Neil, we are certain that we can play our part in the depercussionization not only of the island of Ireland but also of the European Union.

Please note that the Commission has no remit nor authority to tackle the issue of Dediddlyization at present.

Roman O'Proddy for the European Commission