My sister-in-law found a good way to stop my bro snoring. Debbie was complaining to hers-i-l Polly about Neil's nightly nasal nuke attacks, and Polly said her mum had told her to tie a bit of string around Wayne's willy (I kid you not), and it really worked. Well, on Deb's last birthday, Neil and Wayne went out to celebrate (Deb had to look after the kids); Neil came back stocious in the small hours, staggered up to bed leaving his clothes on the stairs, and hit the pillow snorting like a Black 5 going up Shap. Deb was contemplating murder, but remembered what Polly had told her. She couldn't find any string, but spotted the ribbon of one of her pressies, and tied it on as directed. It worked!

Next morning, as Neil groped his way into the bathroom for the usual offices, Debbie called out, "Where the [expletive deleted] did you get to last night?" A bemused voice replied, "I dunno--but I won a prize!"