(THE GHOST OF WILLIE CLANCY TAKES TO THE STAGE …) Ladies and Gentlemen …

We'd like to thank yez all for comin' and for the jovial hospitality shown by all throughout the past few days up here in Drumcree. I'm sure yez'll all be hard-pressed to min' a fuckin' thing, the state of yez.

Now, to roun' off proceedin's, we're gonny gi' yez something special …

All musicians and personalities involved in the oul' proceedin's are assembled here behin' me for the finale. So, let's not have any further how d'ye do … the lads and lassies are gonny gi' yez thon oul' standard, "The Partin' Glass" in their own style.

G'luck and good night!

(THE CURTAIN PARTS TO REVEAL A STAGE FULL OF THE CREAM OF IRELAND'S MUSICAL AND OTHER TALENT …

SHANE MACGOWAN STEPS FORWARD AS THE ASSEMBLED HORDES MOAN A DRONE NOTE FOR HIM)

(SHANE) Oh, all the money that e'er I had
I spent it in good company
And all the harm that e'er I done
Alas it was to none but me
And all I've done for want of wit
To mem'ry now I can't recall
So fill to me the partin' glass (CHHEEEEEERRRRR)
Goodnight and joy be with you all!

(THE CHOIR PARTS. BARNEY McKENNA AND GERRY O'CONNOR ARE SEATED OPPOSITE EACH OTHER. THEY PLAY "THE WIND THAT SHAKES THE BARLEY" THREE TIMES ROUND AND THEN LAUNCH INTO "OFF TO CALIFORNIA" THREE TIMES ROUND.

THE CROWD CLOSES IN AROUND THEM AGAIN.

THE AUDIENCE ARE IN A FRENZY.

DEREK BELL STEPS UP TO THE MIKE.)

(DEREK BELL) Oh if I had money enough to spend
I'd buy an ounce of snow-white coke
Cos I swear I'm damn near round the bend
Oul' Paddy Moloney nearly makes me boke
With his gerny wee gob and his "failte" bonhomie
He 's such a pain in my fuckin' balls
So raise to me the partin' glass
Good night and joy be with you all

(THE CHOIR PARTS TO REVEAL PADDY KEENAN AND LIAM ÓG O'FLYNN SEATED OPPOSITE EACH OTHER. THEY PLAY THREE TIMES ROUND "THE WIND THAT SHAKES THE BARLEY" BEFORE LAUNCHING INTO A WILD VERSION OF "THE BUCKS OF ORANMORE".

THE AUDIENCE ARE DEMENTED.

THE CHOIR CLOSES AROUND THE PIPERS.

EAMONN HOLMES TAKES THE MIKE.)

(EAMONN HOLMES) Oh all the grub that ever I ate
It fairly made my belly swell
And all the Baileys that e'er I drank
Was likin' drawin' water from a damn deep well
And all the honeys I made a pass
And footered with up the Seagoe wall
Oh raise to me the partin' glass
Good night and joy be with you all

(THE CHOIR PARTS TO REVEAL TOMMY PEOPLES AND MAIREAD NI MHAONAIGH SITTING OPPOSITE EACH OTHER. THEY PLAY "THE WIND THAT SHAKES THE BARLEY" – JOHN DOHERTY'S SETTING – AND THEN LAUNCH INTO "TOMMY PEOPLES' REEL".

THE CROWD GO FRANTIC.

THE CHOIR CLOSES AROUND THEM AGAIN AND SINGS THE FINAL VERSE IN UNISON.)

(CHOIR) Oh it's fare thee well to one and all
From the session here in Sweet Drumcree
And safely home through Portydown
And onwards to your own country
We may chance to meet again
In Belfast, Cork or Donegal
Then raise to me the partin' glass
Good night and joy be with you all

(THE CHOIR TROOPS OFF STAGE TO WILD APPLAUSE WHICH FADES TO AN EERIE SILENCE. SOMEWHERE … FAR OFF IN THE DISTANCE … A LONE PIPER PLAYS "TAIMSE IM CHODLADH.)

THE END