I apologise if what I say here is a repeat. I thought I must have been about done with reading and looked at the scroll bar, only to find that I was not even half way.

In any case, there's a lot of good advice here, but some things I did not read in the first 1/3 of the postings:

Weight is an issue in the world at large...the world that applauds women such as Kate Moss over those like Mother Theresa. But it will be much less of an issue when it is not an issue *for you*. Some of the most vivacious, well liked, and charismatic people I have ever known have been *very* overweight. There was a woman who used to perform one of the same venues as I who was part of 2 different bawdy singing groups. She had the time of her life playing a seductress, and very few people ever had issue with the fact that she was Queen sized. Those that did, she would say; "**They're** the ones with the problem, not me". I have another friend who is more than 6 foot, and clearly greater than 300Lbs (likely close to 400). He is one of the most well liked men I have ever known, and attracts women to him like bees to honey.

I have also personally come to the conclusion that, whatever I do where my appearance is concerned, has to be for me, not for the world at large. I joined a gym recently, not to make it to a certain size, but so I can feel better. If I start sleeping better, and not feeling as wonky mentally, that will be enough for me even if I lose not one inch to my size.

In the end, you'll have to find what works for you. It's not an easy road, what with all the media attention to the very thin. The world does judge womens worth on their beauty first and accomplishments second. But if your self worth is not tied to the worlds judgments, you *can* be happy.

Self assurance, self love, peace and joy are more attractive to the right people, and sometimes, can even win over those who are so obsessed with whatever the media is pumping out as the "ideal" that year.

I wish you joy, no matter the circumstances.