Thanks, Jerry. Actually, I owe you an apology. I lied. I got to thinking about it last night, and I DO have a totally useless keepsake!

In the bottom of my jewelry box, wrapped in a tiny piece of velvet and notepaper, are two rubies. One is about the size of a quarter, and the other the size of a pencil eraser.

When my parents got married, my father's grandfather came over from Scotland for the wedding. He fell for my mom like a ton of bricks. The two of them quickly became co- conspirators in all sorts of mischief, and years later he would still tell me that she "set ma wee heart a'flutter". One of the running jokes they had was him teasing her about being an escaped belly-dancer that was trying to walk the straight and narrow after living a life of all sorts of sordid pleasures. (she was actually the daughter of a preacher) One afternoon, she got fed up with all the teasing and did an impromtu belly dance. I wasn't born at the time, but what I hear from my aunts and uncles is that it was a legendary performance that would have made Salome take notes.

When he returned to Scotland, he sent her a package with the big ruby in it, for her navel. When I was born, he sent a second package, with the smaller one. The notes, in his scrawling hand, say they are for "the best bellies in Texas". The other note, in my mother's neat hand: "the Family Jewels"