Sharon --

I know that personals are an unnatural way to meet, but since I don't drive or work outside my home, I don't have much opportunity to easily meet people face to face... even a simple trip to the library needs to be planned a day or two in advance. So I use email and internet forums to 'screen' people. If there is interest and 'clicking' going on that lasts a while, then I'll take the effort to plan out where and when we should meet, rather then spend several hours getting ready only to go through a blind date that dies in ten minutes and leaves a sour taste in my mouth (And perhaps leaves me in a place where there is no wheelchair accessible bathroom)....

Since I am also very verbal in 3-d space, I think I come across even more as my real self in cyberspace than a first meeting in the open air -- people see my mind before they see my hardware. If a guy can't get interested in me in writing, chances are he won't like me any more in person.

I have a few techniques I use to make up for the lack of context in electronic meeting:

1) give links to my favorite web pages, newsgroups, and forums (including Mudcat), and ask for the same from a new contact... that way, he can see how I act toward others before I met him, and vice-versa...

2) arranging to "meet" in an on-line chat room that focuses on a shared interest we both (claim) to have -- that way, we can chat with each other without having to talk only to each other (almost like going out to a club)

3) [And this last one takes a lot of trust and patience... if you can get through this, you have a clue that it might be for real] Work on a creative project together: take turns writing scenes in a story (for example) with one of you coming up with a problem, and the next person coming up with a solution, and a new problem -- a bit like the exercise Spartacus posted here. This really brings your different thinking and problem solving styles to the surface. If the two of you can respond with flexibility and creativity to the unexpected directions your 'partner' will take the project in, there's at least a decent chance you'll be able to do the same in real life.

Health Warning: this excercise can also bring your own nasty character flaws to the surface. If you are not ready to look under the rocks in your own soul to see what's crawling there, do not attempt!

~~~

Generally, I am very happy with my life as a single woman (I also live with cats >^..^<), but it has been a long, cold lonely winter (RIP, George Harrison). Besides the onslaught of September 11, death took some dear friends and family members in 2001, and in the quiet moments of my day, I often hear one phrase running on the tape loop of my mind: "I need a hug".

My kittles love me dearly, and I them, but their front legs are just too short for them to give me what I need... though they try. So I've been taking what initiative I can to try and remedy this situation, and in the process, I've recently seen how much prejudice there is out there against the disabled (often being non-disabled and of a certain age are the only qualifications these men ask for), even in men that otherwise come across as intelligent, articulate, and thoughtful... no great loss, since even if I weren't disabled, I wouldn't want to hang out with such men, anyway. But it gets discouraging (I honestly thought we were getting past all that explitive stuff), and yesterday, my patience temporarily ran out...