I have a copy of a Northern Ireland calendar, if anyone needs it...

January

February

March

March

March

etc...

[Hastily donning flame-proof underwear...]

Patrick goes to Las Vegas. He tries a table where they are playing the card game he is most familiar with, Brag (21). After an hour he is down to his shirt, and stakes it on one last hand. 17 points, a rubbish hand. He is about to throw it in, when poof!, a leprechaun appears on his shoulder.

"Twist!", says the little fellow. Well, Pat has nothing to lose, so he twists. A deuce (2). 19 points, a bit better. "Thanks", he says, "I'll stick on that."

"No, no!", says the leprechaun. "Twist! Twist!"

Pat twists again. An ace ! 20 points, he is in with a good chance. "Right. I'll stick".

"No! Twist! Twist! Twist, I tell ye!", says the leprechaun. "Are you sure?" says Pat. "The odds against getting another ace must be astronomical". The leprechaun is almost dancing with fury. "No ! Twist! Twist! Twist!".

"OK, you know best" says Pat, and twists again. Another ace! He has five cards, 21 points, an unbeatable hand. He proudly shows it to the little fellow. The leprechaun looks at it and says, "You jammy bastard ! How did you manage that?"