I just have this nagging unease that lingers from seeing him repeat almost word for word, eyebrow lift for eyebrow lift, various things in interviews as he's out and about now promoting his new TV show. (He's ridden the Oprah wave enough to get out on his own.) He's very, very good at motivation and promotion. But he acts like he's saying stuff in these interviews like it's all fresh, made up on the spot.... and not all of it is.

I prefer "flexible" to "canned." And I always worry when people are so het up about an individual, and not so much about their own lives. If what he is doing really works, even just as a starting point for long term personal change, then I would expect to hear people talking about how their lives have changed, not about how wonderful Phil is. If he has lasting value, what will happen is that people will spring off from whatever starting point they gained with his help, and they will do some excellent and sparkling thinking of their own.

But Bobert, it sounds like Phil is not the best subject for peaceful converse with your lady. If you just listen to her about Phil, though, you may hear some things emerge from that, and they might help you see what's important to her that maybe is hard for her to verbalize otherwise. And if you think she is overly dependent on him for wisdom, try just asking her what she thinks about those same topics.... it's a way to encourage her to think for herself, without attacking someone she sees as helpful to her. The right approach is genuine interest and curiosity, to draw her out. And then just listen as she thinks out loud.

It is amazing how far people will go in their thinking if we do just that, and don't step on it while it's still flowing with helpful criticism or our own SO-IMPORTANT thoughts!

~Susan