Annamill
the problem with specialists is they see a problem in the context of their speciality, so if they are confused they inevitably take refuge in their their specialism or reluctantly refer the patient on.
I agree, if second opinion givers are preferrable then be with her to take notes, you will be her second "opinion receiver". You will hear, and see different things, he will be busy interacting with her, you can observe him.
It is reckoned that 70/80% of human communication is non verbal so read the body language.
My thoughts are with you but you need something to do to concentrate your mind on the solution as opposed to worrying on speculations. Hope the above helps.
An ex-girfriend asked me to go with her at the consultation with her oncologist about the whole body scan. Not quite in the same league as offspring but I coped very well because I told myself I was going to be no use to her worrying on her behalf, I asked a couple of questions but mostly observed.