How are the similies in your part of the world?. Here are some of ours:-

"She's a face like a robbers Dog" (she is not such a pretty lass)

"She's a face like a pig with piles" (She is not a goodlooker)

"He's nowt a pound and s**t* tuppence" (He is a worthless chap)

"He's running about like a Bulldog with a Bee up it's a*s* (He is in a hurry)

"He's got a face like a freshly slapped a*s* (He does not look too pleased)

"Her nipples stood out like a Greyhounds knackers" (It was cold that day)