Snuffy, I've heard a version of your "Dark and Stormy night"

Then the ship hit a rock.
All the boats were swept away.
We're all going to drown said the Captain,
We're all going to drown said the Mate,
We're all going to drown said the Crew,
But the Bosun - the cunning old bastard that he was, Said "Let's row ashore in the latrine buckets". So we did - half full !

After the witch doctor does his balancing feat, there's the chorus bit again:

"That can't be beat said the Captain",
"That can't be beat said the Mate",
"That can't be beat said the Crew",
But the Bosun - the filthy old bastard that he was,
Strode into the ring and titivating an unmentionable
part of his anatomy between the thumb and forefinger
of his right hand caused that member to expand to an
unprecedented size, and there upon he balanced
One Witch Doctor .... etc.

I'm looking for another naval recitation which is called the CPO's sermon and starts:

There was a young matelot who was making his way to the fair city of Pompey
Via Gosport and the ferry,
When from an upstairs window a young maiden called out,
"Sailor whither goest thou ?"