An analogy: I coached an academic team once. The particular exercise was to use brain storming and go around to each team member in succession for input. When a member of one team "choked," the other team members did not hide their frustration, made sarcastic comments about their team member, and in short had a "melt down." Another team had the same thing happen, showed support and encouragement, CLASS with a capital C. I believe these two attitudes come from the top, the coach, and it's just inexcusable to allow the team to fall apart. The coach in your case was definitely wrong. Not only was it hurtful to your daughter (and just plain wrong), it was also hurtful to the team (and just plain stupid).

*Feel free to show this to the coach. ;-)