Alison aged 10 learned about domestic hygiene in school, and came home full of zeal. "Daddy, you must be very careful to wash all the work surfaces and chopping boards, otherwise you'll get semolina..."

The Hail Mary was almost universally heard, in Salford, as "Blessed art thou, a monk swimming".

Incidentally, the only thing I knew about sex after my RC education, was that wombs are normally spotty and full of fruit. "The one spotless womb wherin Jesus was laid", and "Blessed is the fruit of thy womb..".