Actually, Mario, the Great Man is not here. We begged, we pleaded, we threatened to reveal embarrassing personal information, we even offered money! But Mr. Shatner is "otherwise engaged", no doubt saving the galaxy again in some phaser-blasted sector of deep space...or getting comfortable with some alien queen somewhere. You know our Bill. Clinton was a mere wannabe.

I suspect we did not offer him enough money. Maybe next year...(sigh)

However, we have the next best thing...Shatner impersonators...and some of them are REALLY good! So throw all the tribbles you want.

Tribbles are good for throwing, they bounce nicely, and no one gets hurt, although the tribbles do squeak a lot when you throw them...they're sort of like guinea pigs without legs...excitable but relaxed at the same time. They don't come when you call them, but that's okay, cos they don't really go away either. They just hang out and wiggle and squeak now and then. They would probably be a great source of food in time of famine.

Things are getting pretty catty around here, because the Shatner imitators are all trying to outdo each other and make off with all the nymphets. I think this situation may soon get seriously out of hand. Evidently our indoctrination courses have been a little too successful.

Some morons came in dressed as Klingons (as usual) and they are making disparaging remarks about the Enterprise to "Scotty" (our Dean...he looks just like the chief engineer)...

Oh, Christ! There goes the punch bowl. Geez...

Be right back!

- LH