Hey, I ain't gonna' bother showin' up because Shatner ain't coming either. It seems he's had so much trouble with his various rugs, what with people calling him Tribble-Head and all, that he joined the Hair Club for Men. Using an electron microscope they were able to determine that he qualified.........as a man that is. It was a near thing but close scrutiny was able to show that he did possess some male equipment although the word "tiny" doesn't begin to explain it.
Sadly they transplanted hair from his ass to his head and though it did grow well, it soon became apparent that now no one could tell his face from his ass and he is currently in therapy because an overly ambitious nurse stuck a Fleet Enema down his throat.