Gooday cobba'

Aw feckin greensleeves, ah go away an shite will ye. An I wanted Popeye's tune, but that gobshite Paddy McGinty went and got in the line before me.

Right, Number 34 Ramsay Street, Allison. Ok, ah bulk order o'arctic rolls.

Ah shite, blethering wee gobshites, go away, no ye can't have a 99, an oyster or a strawberry split.

Now, right so. How am ah looking, just a wee blob o' spit and I'll get that tuft o hair in a nice partin, lets see, mah white coat is clean, shoes ok, tomato sauce off me chin.

Ah, don't forget the pile of potato cakes and bacon under the highballs, this Allison woman said she did a mean ulster.

ding dong.