Mise Dan McCann
Funnier am I than Frank Carson
Great is my glory
I who dwell on the Bann's fair banks
Great is my shame
I perform my ablutions in a cooking vessel
Mise Dan McCann
Wee-er am I than Willie Carson

(NB there is a prize of a clipe o' Yellow Leg, a hape of dulse and a sloat of Bailey's - as donated by everybody's favourite wobbly-arsed stage-Oirish broth of a boyo, Eamonn Holmes - to the first mudcatter who knows what in the name of Jaysus this wee piece is about!)