PENNSYLTUCKY PASTORWIFE UNREPENTANT, IN THE POKEY, AFTER TP SPREE

(Mudcat News, 27-Apr-02) Prominent local clergy spouse Susan Hinton was arrested late Friday evening and charged with three counts of criminal trespass, criminal mischief, and being a public nuisance after she was caught at the third of local U-Haul fanchises, festooning rental trucks with pink toilet paper. When arraigned, the former Red Cross executive director proclaimed that she was proud to have done it, and that she anticipated a Constitutional fight that would set this rural backwater on its ear.

"I can carry a gun here, I can make moonshine here, but I can't TP a truck in solidarity with another oppressed victim of their corporate policies? TP-ing is a time-honored form of personal expression. It's high time it was accorded all the same protections we give other free speech! This is about individual RIGHTS, as much as it's about unfair U-Haul policies! And you can't make me wear polyester dresses anymore, EITHER!"

Following arraignment, Judge Doodledeedum, who presided, recused himself at that point, stating that as a parishioner of the Hintons' he would be unable to rule impartially. "I'm going to have my hands full in the parish, as the chair of the search committee to replace these losers," he elaborated. A special master from another county is to arrive early next week to hear the matter.

~Susan