I've played this record so many times it now sounds like 'Barry Dransfield Fries Bacon For You'. What a shame that these tracks are not available any more. The record in question is Polydor 2383 160 Super. This is what I hear, anyhow.

GENERAL WORTHINGTON
(from the singing of Barry Dransfield)

1. The commander of the 51st Brigade,
He's a Tartar; he's a Devil, not afraid.
Well, I say that he's a Tartar; well, no-one could be smarter,
And the strongest drink he drinks ain't lemonade.
He's a dashing kind of soldier, not a regimental dude,
Red nose through inability to masticate his food.
I see you've noticed mine is red but I don't care a damn.
I may as well own up to it and tell you who I am:

CHORUS 1: I'm Major Gen'ral Worthington, Worthington, Worthington.
You should see all the medals that I have not won,
Have not won, I have not won. And I don't give a ----- if I never get one.
For as I came home from Africay in the month of May the Queen did say:
"Will you have a VC?" I said, "Not me!
I'd rather have a bottle of Worthington."

2. The pet of all the ladies is this soldier.
In front and flank attack none could be bolder.
And with every mother's daughter, I'm as hot as boiling water,
But for goodness' sake don't tell the wife I told yer.
In the Service all we fellas use a lot of slangy words.
We never calls the ladies pets; we allus calls 'em birds.
Who is it sets their hearts on fire and takes away their breath?
They all fall down and worship him; he's got them skinned to death.

CHORUS 2: Why Major Gen'ral Worthington, Worthington, Worthington,
The biggest liar that you've ever heardington, heardington is Worthington.
In fact he's the biggest on the earthington.
When we were down in Bloemfontein a charge was seen in the old canteen.
What a charge they made! But the worst I'm afraid
Was one and nine a bottle of Worthington.

3. There's no mistake about this ladies' pet.
He's about the hottest thing you've ever met.
He's got a dreadful thirst, sir. He'd drink until he'd burst, sir.
Even bread and drippin' if it tasted wet.
But still with all his faults he's not a bad sort after all.
When on parade it'd do you good to hear him shout and bawl.
The things he's done are marvellous, I don't mind telling you.
Who's mentioned in dispatches for a thing he didn't do?

REPEAT CHORUS 1.