Stephen:

That lyric is a wonderful thought.

Thanks, I think so, if I say so myself... Nearly everyone agrees that it's very sad that Jackie Paper grows up and never comes to visit Puff anymore. But I've never heard anyone speak up and question why that must be so (but then again, there are many songs I've never heard).

Once a melody suggests itself it is likely that you will find youself fine-tuning that lyric accordingly.

I've only written a handful of "doodle" songs, as I call them, but even so, this one is unusual for me. The first verse and its meter came into my head almost immediately, and ever since, like a bad jingle, the rhythm has been stuck there. But in the meantime, there has been no melody to go with it, and no melody peeking 'round a corner in my mind, either.

Perhaps it's the bad jingle aspect, but I find the meter as it stands very annoying -- for all the talk of power in the lyric, it feels to me like there is no power, and no flow, in the lines themselves. But as no one here has yet criticized the rhythm, perhaps it doesn't get in the way of the song as much as I fear it does, and I should just tell my inner critic to get his snotty nose out of my creative process and go take a nap until I'm ready for him.

MMario:

English metre works on beats or accents rather than syllables, you can put extra syllables in often.

That's what I suspected (and I suppose I could also drop a syllable here and there, too), and I seem to remember something about that when I studied Middle English poetry, but I wanted to double check my hunch with folks who've had more experience with writing songs.

I'll try the prose aproach, or maybe at least free verse, which frees the mind from the Dum-de-dum-de-diddle-dum trap, but still focuses on strong imagery with low word count...

Wish me luck!