Look, Susan, cheer up. Things are bound to improve soon. We (the staff at the WSSBA) are presently engaged in negotiations with the Great Man, William Shatner, and there is a distinct chance we can get him to attend your next gathering for at least 1 day out of his busy schedule.

It all hinges on money.

You have money, right, Susan? It's not a huge amount of money, just enough to cover his travel expenses, plus a little extra. Think 4 figures, and we're talking.

For 5 figures, he'll even sing a few songs for you and kiss babies. YEAHHHH, BABYYYY!

- LH