CapriUni, to be perfectly honest, I liked the first version better. You took out the verse about no Puff or Hundred Acre wood, and they call up some strong personal memories that generic "potions" and "magic rings" don't.

This is a quibble, so please don't pay any attention if it doesn't make sense to you. The last bit about "With work and mothers' blessings" - there are an awful lot of fathers, aunts, unlcles, grandparents and family friends waking and nurturing the magic in a child's life, and anyone can have a role. Parents are often the ones telling the kid to "grow up." The heck with blessings.

Something else to consider: you could tie it back in to Neverland at the end. Something about Neverland not being a place but a state of mind; about it not being outside us but an idea we carry within us.

In any case, you're driving this car. I'm just pointing to turns off your road I think look interesting.