The Innocent Dodo

I prithee good ladies and lordies attend
Give ear to my sorrowful load-o
By means of this ballad I now do intend
To sing you in praise of the Dodo
In far off Mauritia the dodo do dwell
Halfway to the far antipode-o
And if we would serve her then this I must tell
It should not be parboiled a la mode-o

For if the poor creature is but to keep goin'
Our slogan must be stop the bloody dodo-in'

Well the dodo in the morning she falls from her nest
If she could she would surely have flowed-o
She returns in the evening to take her sweet rest
Though how she ascends I am blowed-o
And all in her season she'll go with her mates
By them she will soon be bestrode-o
And as she may dally with seven or eight
Then 'tis clear that she risks overload-o

And as she must put up with all of this stuff
I ask dost thou not think she's suffered enough ?

Oh how many roads must a Dodo walk down
Before you can call her a dodo ?
And how many seas must a white dodo sail
Before she can sleep in the road-o ?
Ripe fruit and berries, and nuts that are nice
In the bird's stomach are stowed-o
Be grateful, good people, the Dodo don't fly
For t'would danger you when she unload-o

And if you should question on what she has dined
The answer my friend will be blowing in the wind

And so on my tunic this message I spell:
God save the king and the Dodo as well.

Gobblers in the Garden

Well when first I wed me Norfolk girl, we all went back to Trunch
To drink a toast, and cut the cake, and have a bite of lunch
Now she and I was eager to start the honeymoon
But her father made a speech which went on half the afternoon

He told me: (chorus)
Treat me daughter decent don't do her any ill
And when I go I'll leave you my smallholding in my will
I'll leave me muck heap and me silage me slurry and me swill
And all the great big gobblers in the garden

When finally he finished me eyelids felt like lead
So me and my new missus said we thought t'was time for bed
In the coach I said I thought we'd never get away from him
But when we cuddled up the driver turned round with a grin

And he said:
Chorus

He drove us to our lodgings and he said cheerio
But I finally made him realise it was him that ought to go
And soon we lay together me wife say go to town
But my ambition withered when a window-pane flew down

This voice said:
Chorus

She said you've really got to laugh but I was proper riled
I was so fed up I couldn't even raise a smile
I couldn't see the joke at all. All I saw was red
For every time we kissed he'd call from underneath the bed

And he said:
Chorus

Now we've been married seven years and we've got three young pups
Well twice he went on holiday and once we tied him up
And every hour of every day his promises we've heard
Now me and my old twelve-bore think that's time he kept his word

His words are:
Chorus

All Things Are Quite Equal

A young person was a-walking one morning in May
Met a second young person a-walking that way
Say the first of these people I have Spanish leather
And oh, 'tis my wish we were bonded together

Chorus
All things being equal our screws will be loose
What's sauce for the gander is juice for the goose

Oh the way I respond to the charms that thou hast
I just cannot tell you lest you feel harrassed
But you are so comely and so fair of face
How I long to enter your personal space

Chorus

Said the other I'm willing if you would agree
To place you above me and then underneath
To a mossy green bank these two persons did haste
And there in a meaningful way interfaced

Chorus

Both parties were eager, both parties were brisk
Both failed to insure 'gainst a third party risk
And so nine months later as I understand
A third person singular came all unplanned

Chorus

Now the first person declared without guile
For your sweet sake I would lay down my lifestyle
So these two were married like sister and brother
And over the threshold they carried each other

Chorus

Better late than never, maybe more tomorrow

AndyG