I've been spending hours, days, weeks working my butt off tirelessly (all day until 3am every night for the past 3 weeks)towards getting our first Fringe Festival off the ground. I'm also running a club singlehandedly because the other starter/instigator(?) can't get off their butt(literally) and help out (over 6 months now of "I'm not up to it - I'm not feeling well). 'Kay, fair enough - but we're also supposed to be in an 3 x acappela band as well. Last month let down an important gig for the last and final time because we turned up, but the musical lynch-pin "wasn't feeling well". We haven't been able to sing at our own club for months because "I'm not feeling well". So, insidiously musically have been left high and dry: kept thinking "this month will be different".

So, for the past weeks have been concentrating on publicity efforts: all the local media, radio, etc etc ad nauseum. And j'know, what? nobody's really interested because (to us a first fringe festival is significant in THIS town) but the media/radio are based in the next town that is bidding for City of Culture (yes, far more fascinating) Here, we are marginalised in airplay, news items, reporting, and the local press are indifferent or incompetent (possibly both?)

Last weekend I took part in a huge festival event organised in the next town: 15 choirs amalgamated (300+ people singing was awe-inspiring) - huge amounts of effort, lots of work, lots of committment, special songs composed, people travelling 100's of miles to take part, sleeping on floors in sleeping bags, special choral arrangements - the works and I take my hat off to the organisers of this event. And that was was just event of many..

Tonight (and for the next couple of weeks), on the local radio we have, purportedly, music from that town's festival. In fact, it's all the presenter's musical mates - who are not contributing towards their festival or our festival and actually don't even live in the town - and guess what? Our fellow-instigater has (strange this?) been able to get off their butt for the first time in months and is on the radio performing (badly)(which is one consolation)

So, yes, sorry I'm very upset - I'm going to go away, have a good sob and think about getting a proper job that pays me (instead of me subsidising the club/ our festival/ their festival)

(I'm upset for everyone that is making an effort here there and everywhere, not because we are all altruistic suckers, because we care enough to make an effort (a huge effort in some cases), not because we want glory - we're doing it for our communities and to sort of make the World a happier place. Is it worth it?)

Sorry - I've never done this before - whinge on Mudcat (or anywhere else really) and the above is probably incomprehensible without going on and on: I just feel completely overwhelmed right now at the unfairness and the ethics(? lack of?)and all sorts of complicated issues around (oh, I don't know, the cult of celebs maybe - I mean, they command huge amounts of money and publicity for doing buggar-all - while the rest of us ...

Sorry - I keep saying sorry ...