Heaney …

Sit down for Gawd's sake and watch how it's done

You've heard of oul' Eamonn the guzzler
He's beyond, he's calling the bingo
He's dressed in a suit
But I'd give him the boot
For I can't have the craytur at all,
Line up by the wall,
Powder and ball,
Watch the boy fall

He once was a bit of a heart-throb
He once had his pick of the Ashburn
But now that he's stout
And his charm has run out
He's lost for a bit of a coort
A blade in a skirt
A bit of flirt
A rowl in the dirt

He's never out of Cafolla's
He orders chips seven times over
And sugary tay
Five gallons a day
And Baileys when out on the town
He's drinkin' them down
They pile on the poun's
A tenner a roun'

It's a pity he wasn't more humble
Cos soon he will take an oul' tumble
He's getting' too big
Too much like a pig
To last any more on TV
They like their folks wee
Like wee Tommy P
A poet like me!