I guess all the teetotalers are avoiding the original thread name, but buried in here is a challenge by Mrrzy. As he says, needs more verses.

Subject: Maloney Wants a Drink
From: Mrrzy
Date: 15-May-02 - 03:42 PM

Just rediscovered this gem...

MALONEY WANTS A DRINK
The Dubliners, on Irish Drinking Songs (which is an anthology)

When Eve was in the garden, Adam climbed an apple tree.
He went aloft up to the top to see what he could see.
He gazed in awe, for what he saw fair made the poor man grieve.
Ah, Patrick John Maloney stood there, whispering to Eve!

CHORUS: So kiss me, love, and miss me, love, and dry your bitter tears.
My loving you'll remember now for many, many years.
Be happy, love. Be satisfied I left you in the pink.
There's many a man may want a bride. Maloney wants a drink.

Salome danced for Paddy, taking off her seven veils.
"Salome," said Maloney, "that's a trick that never fails."
Maloney put Salome's only clothing in a sack.
"I'll run along down to the pawn and bring your bundle back!" CHORUS

From London to Nebraska and from Glasgow to Hong Kong,
From Cardiff to Alaska and from Peking to Saigon,
Wherever the girls are lonely, I'm sure that in his role,
Ah, it's there you'll find Maloney, a-waiting to console! CHORUS

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Subject: RE: Lyr Add: Maloney Wants a Drink
From: Mrrzy
Date: 15-May-02 - 03:43 PM

It's sung slowly except for the last line of each verse and the chorus. Lovely thing... needs more verses, though! Challenge, anyone?

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Subject: RE: Lyr Add: Maloney Wants a Drink
From: bill kennedy
Date: 15-May-02 - 03:55 PM

Here's one off the top of me head -

A lady rode through Coventry and all had shut their eyes,
Except, of course, our Peeping Tom, who though he might get wise.
"What's that?" cried Tom as he went blind, "atop that snow white mare?"
'Twas just your man Maloney, underneath Godiva's hair. CHORUS

I could write 100 more, I think. How's it sound?

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Subject: RE: Lyr Add: Maloney Wants a Drink
From: Mrrzy
Date: 15-May-02 - 04:05 PM

OOH, I like that one!

When Moses sent the plagues out to fester Pharaoh's kin,
Our Patrick John Maloney had no boils upon his skin.
"What's that? Now, are you Jewish?" our poor old Moses sighed.
"Oh, no," said old Maloney, "not on my mother's side!"

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Subject: RE: Lyr Add: Maloney Wants a Drink
From: bill kennedy
Date: 15-May-02 - 04:18 PM

Victoria Regina, being widowed, was depressed
Until, one day in early May, she entertained a guest.
A smile, a laugh, then giggles, when in rushes Mr. Brown:
"Now all me plans are gang agley! Maloney's back in town!"

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Subject: RE: Lyr Add: Maloney Wants a Drink
From: Mrrzy
Date: 15-May-02 - 04:27 PM

I am somehow reminded of Alabama 1968, which is not exactly happy - but we seem to be hitting all the same milestones!

Napoleon at Waterloo was fighting for his life.
The English weren't happy, and neither was his wife.
Before he went to exile, he checked in the canteen
And there he found Maloney with his darling Josephine!

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Subject: RE: Lyr Add: Maloney Wants a Drink
From: bill kennedy
Date: 15-May-02 - 04:35 PM

Priscilla had three sisters who were sweet and well disposed.
Miles Standish now decided it was time he had proposed.
"Speak for yourself, but get in line. John Alden's at the door,"
Priscilla told her suitor, "and Maloney's spoken for!" (pokin' four!)

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Subject: RE: Lyr Add: Maloney Wants a Drink
From: bill kennedy
Date: 15-May-02 - 04:52 PM

Or better maybe

Priscilla had three sisters, who with Paddy oft had sported,
Miles Standish now decided it was time he strongly courted.
"Speak for yourself, but get in line, John Alden's in the door,"
Priscilla told her suitor, "and soon Maloney's spoken for!" (pokin' four!)

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Subject: RE: Lyr Add: Maloney Wants a Drink
From: GUEST,Bill Kennedy
Date: 16-May-02 - 10:09 AM

No other songwriters out there?

How about:

In roman days, she was renowned for beauty, wit, and guile.
"If the barge is rockin', don't come a-knockin'," quoth Cleo, Queen of the Nile.
Caesar thought he was the first, her only love. Baloney!
The words he cried before he died were these, "Et tu, Maloney?"

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Subject: RE: Lyr Add: Maloney Wants a Drink
From: GUEST,Bill Kennedy
Date: 16-May-02 - 04:27 PM

That's it, if no one else is going to play, you get no more lyrics from me!

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Subject: RE: Lyr Add: Maloney Wants a Drink
From: GUEST,Bill Kennedy
Date: 17-May-02 - 04:32 PM

Prince Charles thought that he'd found the one, a consort that was pleasant. Camilla Parker Bowles was fun, and certainly no peasant,
A member of that horsey blood, at ease, on foot or mounted.
But she, when asked her favorite stud, said, "Is Maloney counted?"

Had to try one more, c'mon, nobody else? Hey Mirzy, can't you come out today?

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Subject: RE: Lyr Add: Maloney Wants a Drink
From: GUEST
Date: 19-May-02 - 02:04 PM

HA HA, not bad!