The Underwear Burglar's Lament

Tune: No Use Fer the Wimmin
(Click to Play)


I got no use for these undies
They're vibrantly sexy with sleaze
And I wouldn't feel right with a teddy
Over cotton BVD's
They're sexy and slim and salacious
They're tempting and naughty and sly
Though the visions they bring are bodacious
It's enough to make me cry!

I had a friend was a minor shoplifter
He was cleaver, immoral and quick
But he talked me into big trouble
With his quick-riches boudoir shtick
Now my flat is stacked high up with fashions
The bras tower over my head
And I can't bring my cute girlfriend over
'Cuz I know she'd cut me dead

These G-strings are no use to a feller;
As supporters, they're really too tight.
And I can't hand them out to the kiddies,
For attaching to their kites
All the girls I know would be offended
And ask what I mean to suggest
If I mailed them a corset for Christmas
So I think I'll move out West.

Yes, I'm bound for the wide open spaces,
Where menfolk know just who they are
And the gals wear ten-gallons and Levis,
Not them see-through bras of stars!
I'll change my name and my country
And out in the Wild West I'll stay
'Cause I'd rather wrassle a rattler,
Than a G-string, any day!