toribw:

I think that a lot of us have had trouble trying to get to know and understand our parents as people, not just parents. Part of the problem, which was surely the case with my Father, was that my Father didn't understand my Father any more than I did. He had so many barely submerged angers and hurts about things that he didn't understand and could therefor never put to rest that he just closed up shop with his family. He was much more open with his friends. You can't "figure someone out" if they haven't figured themselves out.

Jerry