The patient is the ONLY person who has the ABSOLUTE RIGHT to know what his own condition is. Doctors and nurses have no business telling the family ANYTHING about the patient's condition unless they have first discussed it with the patient and gotten his permission to tell the family. (That's assuming, of course, that the patient is legally an adult and has not been declared incompetent to make decisions for himself.)

If the family THINKS the doctors haven't told the patient anything, they may be wrong. If the patient is acting AS IF he doesn't know anything, that may be his choice.

Some people don't like to show strong emotion (e.g. grief, fear, or anger), and don't like to see others showing strong emotion, either. Other people—sometimes in the same family—think it's important to put every emotion on display. I don't see any grounds for saying that either point of view is morally superior. I do think it's unrealistic, and unnecessarily cruel, to try to force people who have behaved one way all their lives to suddenly start doing the opposite when they are facing death—either their own or a loved one's.

You don't HAVE to discuss the facts of the case (i.e. the cancer or the approaching death) in order to express whatever emotions you're feeling. There are perfectly effective physical, non-verbal ways of expressing emotion. If you're sad, you cry. If you're feeling love, you hold his hand, hug him, whatever. A tactful avoidance of discussing the "facts" is NOT an obstacle to your doing what you have to do to take care of yourself.

If you need to make plans, go ahead and make them. If a will needs to be drawn up and signed, for example, this can be approached as a "what if" precaution.