To the tune of "Three Lovely Lassies From Kimmage" …

TWO LOVELY HOOKERS FROM SWEDEN

There were two lovely hookers from Sweden
From Sweden, from Sweden
If it's sexual healing you're needing
Sure I was the best of them all
Sure I was the best of them all

The phone rang and gamely I answered
I answered, I answered
"I hear that you are a lap dancer
I've organised a lap ball
I've organised a lap ball"

Myself and my partner called Heidi
Called Heidi, called Heidi
She's pretty and curvy and tidy
And stands about five foot six tall
And stands about five foot six tall

Two oul' fellas gave us some custom
Some custom, some custom
Our writhing it damn nearly bust 'em
And straight into bed they did crawl
And straight into bed they did crawl

They snored as they slipped into slumber
To slumber, to slumber
(Missed the trick I did with a cucumber!
That leaves all the prudies appalled
That leaves all the prudies appalled)

Wake up and pay us our billage
Our billage, our billage
Or else we will go on the pillage
And leave you with sweet bugger all
And leave you with sweet bugger all

The moral to this oul' narration
Narration, narration
Is that when you enjoy fornication
Don't fall asleep on the moll
Don't fall asleep on the moll