I got a bunch of lyrics from the guy I first heard sing this song, and then I added a few more verses.

MY RHINOCEROS by Tom Lipton
[Last nine verses added by Jeanene Pratt.]

Chorus:
My Rhinoceros, My Rhinoceros,
She has such a beautiful smile.
My Rhinoceros, My Rhinoceros,
But she smiles only once in a while.


My Rhinoceros loves doughnuts,
She eats them each night and morn.
Since she doesn't have any pockets,
She carries them 'round on her horn.

My Rhinoceros gets silly when we go for an auto ride.
If she doesn't want to go with us, she'll go into her room and hide.

My Rhinoceros gets sleepy and she has to take her a nap,
But you must read her a story as she curls up in your lap.

My Rhinoceros gets dirty, and we have to give her a scrub,
But there's no room for the water when she gets into her tub.

My Rhinoceros gets lazy; it can happen most anywheres,
But often it's at bedtime, till we carry her up all the stairs.

My Rhinoceros hates yard work; she shunned it since she was born,
Except for just one type of chore: plowing up weeds with her horn.

My Rhinoceros loved TV, especially the "Zoo Parade,"
But now she runs to the radio and tunes to Lake Wobegon's charade.

My Rhinoceros hates school work; she can't even stand the joint.
In spite of deep explanations, she never quite gets the point.

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My Rhinoceros loves cooking. She loves to create a soufflé.
She serves it on beautiful China, then dances 'round shouting "Ole!"

My Rhinoceros is playful, loves wrestling and clowning and stuff.
She loves to scare all the neighbors by putting on her boxing gloves.

My Rhinoceros loves opera; Puccini and Wagner and such.
She's such a substantial Brunhilde, but she sings the libretto in Dutch!

My Rhinoceros loves swimming and diving is her great forte,*
But when she jumps in from the platform, the water all splashes away.

My Rhinoceros does Yoga, the lotus position and all.
It's impressive when she does a head stand,
but get out of the way when she falls!

My Rhinoceros loves children; she's into Tae Kwan Do and mime;
When she starts into her juggling, She can levitate three at a time.

My Rhinoceros loves politics, thinks taxes and war are unfair.
One day she'll be throwing her weight around and running for office somewhere.

My Rhinoceros went camping; she needed no coaxing or push,
But then she tried hiding from foxes behind a small mulberry bush.

My Rhinoceros loves CNN; she wants to keep up with the news.
One day I saw her on "Larry King" discussing the films of Tom Cruise.

Genie

*You have to sing it "for-tay," even though 'tis said it's French and should be pronounced "fort." We'll say it's Italian instead.