Well, now, Spaw, since you've put me in charge of the "Song & Greeting Card Division" of the International Holiday Registry, it is my honor and duty to write a Hallmarkesque greeting-card greeting in commemoration of your birthday (also known as Whatevertafuck 6-8):


I see that the day has come to pass,
Your glorious natal date,
The day upon which you first passed gas:
Whatevertafuck 6-8!

Your innards would noxious vapors spawn
From anything on your plate
And trumpet them from your ass upon
Whatevertafuck 6-8

And all of the other days as well,
But let there be no debate:
The loudest farts came when this day fell:
Whatevertafuck 6-8!

Whenever a yellow cloud we'd see
Above that ol' Buckeye State
We'd say in PA, "Today must be
Whatevertafuck 6-8!"

Your waist may expand, your hair may drop
Till all you have left is pate,
But e'er on this day we'll hear a "Brawwp":
Whatevertafuck 6-8!

So here is a simple wish, Spaw luv,
Although it's a little late
May you get a gas each year out of
Whatevertafuck 6-8!


Many happy returns!
Sharon