The following is a little recitation, complete with audience participation, that I think is quite relevant given the high profile soccer has at the moment.

It's from a British radio programme from back in the '70s and unfortunately, I cannot for the life of me think of the name of the performer. It's on the tip of my tongue but it just won't take that final step and verbalize itself - perhaps one of our pommy brethren will remember it and let us know. (I think he used to share compering duties with Richard Digance).

THE JUNGLE CUP FINAL

On Saturday, weather permitting of course,
the Jungle Cup final takes place.
The Giraffes (audience - Hooray!) play Gorilla Athletics (Boo!)
A rough bunch and a hard team to face

The Gorillas know nothing of tactics or play -
they grab hold of the ball and they run.
They've played 28 games since the season began
and so far they haven't lost one.

Giraffes on the other hand - they count on their skills:
A sort of a long-necked Brazil.
They're sticking their necks out and saying they'll win,
but few think they actually will.

For their road to the final was merely a stroll.
In the first round, they knocked out the Snails,
with a second-round bye against Scorpion Town
who kept bursting the ball with their tails.

Gorillas, too, had a far from hard run,
beating the Ants first of all.
It took ten thousand ants to cover mid-field
and a million to pick up the ball.

So that's how they made the Grand Final today;
there's 10 minutes gone with no score.
A gorilla's already been sent off for chewing
and by full-time, there could be some more.

Giraffes are attacking (h'ray!), it's 2 against 2
and Greg, their best player, is through.
Gorillas move in and break all his legs (BOOOOO!)
and the number sent off moves to two.

(getting exciting, isn't it!)

"Penalty!", yells the capacity crowd
and Giraffes get a goal from the spot (H'RAY) Another Gorilla goes off for dissent,
he swore black and blue it was not!

Come half-time, Gorillas are down to 8 men,
and not looking terribly pleased.
The Giraffes suck on lemons and rub down their necks,
while Gorillas chew up a few trees.

The Ref. blows his whistle, the second half starts,
and Giraffes get a goal from the start.(h'ray)
Two goals down and three lads sent off -
Gorillas begin to lose heart.

"Easy, easy" the spectators cry
as Johnny Giraffe gets a goal.
A Gorilla swears that Giraffes were offside
and swallows the referee - whole (H'RAAAAAY).

The Elephant riot squad run on to the pitch
to hold back the menacing crowd,
who were somewhat dismayed by Gorillas approach,
for eating the Ref's not allowed.

(ok - last verse. ((lone voice from audience "h'ray"))).

The game was abandoned, Giraffes won the Cup,
much to Gorillas dismay.
And on the way home, it was agreed that Giraffes were,
as Brian Moore always (used to) says
the far better team
ON THE DAY.

Allan