- learn to grin and wink alot when you talk or, are being interviewed

- forget about teeth whitening from all those years of chewing tobacco; have them all crowned

- appear very sincere in all interviews and videos

- express a very profound belief in God (even if you're an agnostic)

- tell your fans you'd love to stay and play for them all night long (if it weren't for the money)

- the songs you write should never exceed more than 4-5 chords; throw in an unexpected one (that doesn't fit) but you'll be forgiven for it (because of all of the above points) and your die-hard fans will admire your "creativity" and expect to be called an innovator

- all of the musical arrangements should be as simplistic as possible with lots of stops, starts and breaks, but have the very best session guys on the gig with you

- make sure none of people in your band or you (play old Martins) (new Rainsongs, Taylors or Takamines only)

- make sure that Dolly, Garth, Travis, Ricky, Randy and Vince are all "close personal friends"

- have the CF Martin company make a limited edition guitar bearing your inlaid signature
(but don't use it on stage)

- buy shares in Jimmy Dean Pork Sausages & the Jack Daniels company (If Kenny Rogers approaches you with an investment opportunity - RUN!!!!)

- get cast as an extra in some duster

- appear at the Opry (perhaps one day even perform there)

- carry special pills which automatically change your blood type in case of any female fan paternity suits