As an aid to all of you, let me help you make it big in C-W Music by letting you use this:               

DO-IT-YOURSELF COUNTRY & WESTERN SONG KIT

Instructions: To build your own country song, insert one of the multiple
choices each place you see a number in brackets [].

   I met her [1] [2]. I can still recall [3] she wore.

   1.                      2.                      3.
   on the highway          in September            that purple dress
   in Sheboygan            at McDonald's          that little hat
   outside Fresno          ridin' shotgun          that burlap bra
   at a truck stop         wrestlin' gators       those training pants
   on probation            all hunched over       the stolen goods
   in a jail cell          poppin' uppers          that plastic nose
   in a nightmare          sort of pregnant       the Stassin pin
   incognito               with joggers            the neon sign
   in the Stone Age       stoned on oatmeal       that creepy smile
   in a treehouse          with Merv Griffin       the hearing aid
   in a gay bar            dead all over          the boxer shorts


   She was [4] [5].

   4.                                  5
   sobbin' at the toll booth          in the twilight
   drinkin' Dr. Pepper                but I loved her
   weighted down with Twinkies         by the off-ramp
   breakin' out with acne             near Poughkeepsie
   crawlin' through the prairie       with her cobra
   smellin' kind of funny             when she shot me
   crashin' through the guardrail      on her elbows
   chewin' on a hangnail               with Led-Zeppelin
   talkin' in Swahili                  with Miss Piggy
   drownin' in the quicksand          with a wetback
   slurpin' up linguini                in her muu-muu


   and I knew [6]; [7] I'd [8] forever;

   6.                                    7.                     8.
   no guy would ever love her more       I promised her         stay with her
   that she would be an easy score       I knew deep down       warp her mind
   she'd bought her dentures in a store She asked me if       swear off booze
   that she would be a crashing bore    I told her shrink      change my sex
   I'd never rate her more than "4"      The judge declared    punch her out
   they'd hate her guts in Baltimore    My Pooh Bear said      live off her
   it was a raven, nothing more          I shrieked in pain    have my rash
   we really lost the last World War    The painters knew      stay a dwarf
   I'd have to scrape her off the floor A Klingon said         hate her dog
   what strong deodorants were for       My hamster thought    pick my nose
   that she was rotten to the core       The blood test showed play "Go Fish"
   that I would upchuck on the floor    Her rabbi said         salivate

   She said to me [9]; But who'd have thought she'd [10] [11];

   9.                           10..                           11.
   our love would never die    run off      with my best friend
   there was no other guy       wind up      in my Edsel
   man wasn't meant to fly      boogie       on a surfboard
   that Nixon didn't lie       yodel       on "The Gong Show"
   her basset hound was shy    sky dive    with her dentist
   that Rolaids made her high   turn green   on her "WorkMate"
   she'd have a swiss on rye    freak out    with a robot
   she loved my one blue eye    blast off    with no clothes on
   her brother's name was Hy    make it      at her health club
   she liked "Spy vs. Spy"      black out    in a Maytag
   that birthdays made her cry bobsled      with her guru
   she couldn't stand my tie    grovel       while in labor

   [12] goodbye.

   12.
   You'd think at least that she'd have said
   I never had the chance to say
   She told her fat friend Grace to say
   I now can kiss my credit cards
   I guess I was too smashed to say
   I watched her melt away and sobbed
   She fell beneath the wheels and cried
   She sent a hired thug to say
   She freaked out on the lawn and screamed
   I pushed her off the bridge and waved
   But that's the way that pygmies say
   She sealed me in the vault and smirked.

Spaw