I wasn't going to bother responding to this thread, because it looked like the situation had resolved itself, but if the guy is still making a nuisance of himself he needs to be told.

People like this man (and there are many of them, who play many types of instruments, but the bodhran seems to attract more than its fair share) tend to ruin any session they sit into. If he won't/can't stop doing this, it is him rather than you who should move away from the session. I don't generally enjoy conflict of this type myself, but there often comes a time when it just has to be done.

The etiquette in English folk sessions tends to differ from sessions here in Ireland. If someone is playing a bodhran (or any other instrument) offensively in a session they will tend to be told fairly quickly. Its obviously nicer to have a quiet word in someones ear rather than to tell him off in front of others, but sometimes the point is best made in the heat of the moment. I suspect that if someone is this insensitive in the first place, if you tried to have a quiet word at a different time they would claim to not understand what you are talking about.

As to not singing in time, in general the correct tempo for a tune or song is the one that the singer or player who is leading the tune starts off in. Its the job of any backer (I'm a guitar backer myself) is to accompany the tune or song in the key and rhythm that the lead player/singer chooses. If the bodhranai is asked to lead off a song or set of tunes then they can set the tempo, I somehow doubt if anyone is going to ask this particular person to do this, on that instrument at least.

As has been said before, if you don't want accompaniment say so. In those circumstances if someone insists on playing against your wishes, and this annoys you, I'd have no hestiation in stopping singing until they stop, and if they don't get the hint, in making it clear that that is what you are doing.

I've been asked to stop backing singers myself occasionally (thankfully not too often) and while I don't always take this with good grace when it happens, on reflection, in the sober light of the next day at least I realise the person was probably right.

Have the courage to confront the person if it bothers you, rather than running away from the situation. I bet most of the other people who attend the club will thank you for it.