As we've moved into "non-folk," here's "THE PHYSICIAN," music and lyrics by Cole Porter, recorded by Gertrude Lawrence 1933:

Once I loved such a shattering physician,
Quite the best looking doctor in the state.
And his bedside manner was great.
When I'd gaze up and see him there above me,
Looking less like a doctor than a Turk,
I was tempted to whisper, "Do you love me,
Or do you merely love your work?"

He said by bronchial tubes were entrancing,
My epiglottis filled him with glee,
He simply loved my larynx
And went wild about my pharynx,
Be he never said he loved me.

He said my epidermis was darling,
And found my blood as blue as could be,
We went through wild ecstatics
When I showed him my lymphatics,
But he never said he loved me.

And though, no doubt,
It was not very smart of me,
I kept on a-wracking my soul
To figure out
Why he loved every part of me,
And yet not me as a whole.

With my esophagus he was ravished,
Enthusiastic to a degree,
He said 'twas just enormous,
My appendix vermiformis,
But he never said he loved me.

He said my cerebellum was brilliant,
And my cerebrum far from N.G.,
I know he thought a lotta
My medulla oblongata,
But he never said he loved me.

He said my maxillaries were marvels,
And found my sternum stunning to see,
He did a double hurdle
When I shook my pelvic girdle,
But he never said he loved me.

He seemed amused
When he first made a test of me
To further his medical art,
Yet he refused
When he'd fix up the rest of me,
To cure that ache in my heart.

I know he thought my pancreas perfect,
And for my spleen was keen as could be,
He said of all his sweeties
I'd the sweetest diabetes,
But he never said he loved me.

He said my vertebrae were "sehr schoene,"
And called my coccyx "plus que gentil,"
He murmured "molta bella"
When I sat on his patella,
But he never said he loved me.

He took a fleeting look at my thorax,
And started singing slightly off-key,
He cried, "My Heaven strike us",
When I played my umbilicus,
But he never said he loved me.

As it was dark,
I suggested we walk about
Before he returned to his post.
Once in the park,
I induced him to talk about
The thing I wanted the most.

He lingered on with me until morning,
Yet when I tried to pay him his fee,
He said, "Why, don't be funny,
It is I who owe you money,"
But he never said he loved me.

Some of the cranial nerve mnemonics listed above would have been a lot easier to learn than the one were taught at school for 'O' Level Human Biology:
"Old opticians occasionally trot triumphantly around fairs auctioning green vases and hydrangeas" - I always thought the actual names of the nerves would have been easier to remember than that sentence!

- jeanie

HTML line breaks added. --JoeClone, 1-Jul-02.