To the melody of 'Anacreon in Heaven"

Oh, say can you see?
No, I'm blind; pity me!
A new sense, though, I can claim
Which has gained me world fame!
If the tip of one finger
On bare ass cheek shall linger
All the future and past
I can read on your ass!
And each pimple and mole,
Or puckered brown hole,
Bring the truth shining bright
To my keen second sight.
Some may balk at the manner
I approach a ma-a-atter so gra-ave
But my reading would be clearer,
If your butt first you'd shave!