Having noticed a bit of thread creep in the malapropisms thread, I thought we should start a new one. I will kick off with some of the originals from Spooner himself:

'Sir, you have deliberately tasted two whole worms, you have hissed all my mystery lectures and have been caught fighting a liar in the quad, you will leave Oxford by the next town drain.'

'Gentlemen, let us glaze our arses to the queer dean'

On observing some undergrads boating on the river: 'Punts are not for kissing in' - no one was sure if he had it right that time.