Scanned By Your Hands
Parody of Stand By Your Man by Tammy Wynette and Billy Sherrill
New lyrics by Sonja W. Oates

Sometimes its hard to be uncertain,
Givin' in to what the fates have planned.
Will I have bad times?
Will I have good times
Doing things that Boston law has banned?

"Butts tell the future," Dr. Buck says,
"Even though folks may not understand."
If I trust Ulf, he
Will engulf me,
Paws aft, or all around my can.

CHORUS
Scanned By Your Hands,
I give you two buns to cling to.
If skin too warm you come to,
Will my nights be cold and lonely?
Scanned By Your Hands,
Stretchmarks unfurled before you.
Keep probing where that glove may land;
I'm Scanned By Your Hands

Some seers read the cards or tea leaves;
You read the lines where I'm not tanned.
So, do your duty--
Tickle my booty,
Liberace to my 'baby grand.'

Butt reading probes tomorrow's borders,
Giving glimpses of the promised land.
And if you thrill me,
You can double bill me,
Cause I'm just putty in your hands.

CHORUS