After generations of Northern Ireland whataboutery, the MPPM believe that Mr Sakurai is the only person in the world who can point the way to a resolution of the conflict by establishing once and for all who started it.

Unofficial Mudcat spokesperson and intercommunal communication facilitator Brother Isaac McKittery denied the rumours, adding that "it is common knowledge that the name "Masato Sakurai" is a cover for a giant bank of supercomputers under a hollowed-out volcanic island, operated by British intelligence at the service of the IRA/Sinn Féin pan-nationalist front". Government sources in Dublin, London and Free Colombia declined to comment.