Every time I start one of these, its capacitors start to hum, and the compressor kicks in. Mrs Drinkall at no 21 strayed into my garden this morning and prodded it with her cudgel, but I had to hide behind the Oakley garage, as I was naked at the time and didn't want to startle her. Oh dear, it is now gearing up and the hoses have had a spasm.

You might be pleased to know, that tomorrow, Ossonflags is having his ears syringed, in the absense of ear candles. In June last year, at a Punch the Horse gig in Grimsby, I had the candle treatment and ended up with enough wax to make a pretty convincing model of the Space Shuttle Discovery, with enough left over to underseal the bottom of the Traveller.

Ossenflags, you have a legal entitlement to retain the contents of your lugs. Please bring it round in a bucket, so I can have a good prod about. Jeesus, have you ever tried to type with a klaxon blaring and Mrs Drinkall hammering on the wall with a ship's propeller? I think that I'll become American; they don't seem to heve this problem when they take over the drivel watch in the small hours. I am now going to attempt to disable that bloody appliance so that I can start to drivel unhindered.