Then there's the story of the young man who was serving as an Episcopalian usher for the first time. He was supposed to courteously inform a lady that she was sitting in someone else's assigned pew and ask her if he could find her an alternative place to sit. He very nervously blurted out:

"Mardon me, Padam, but you're occupewing the wrong pie. May I sew you to a sheet in the cack of the birch?"