THE CAPTAIN TOLD THE MATE
W. H. Wallis
Francis, Day & Hunter, 1901.

1. Our captain knows a lot of yarns. I think they must be true;
And to the mate he spins his yarns when on the ocean blue.
He told him once there was a man, a builder he, by trade,
Who built a chimney twelve miles high and all the bricks he made.
Another man said: "I think I could build a chimney much higher than that,
And I'll make the mortar as well as the bricks, as sure as my name is pat!"
He built one up so high, it went beyond the sky,
But they made him take a few bricks off to let the moon go by!

CHORUS: The captain told the mate. The mate told the crew.
The crew told me, so I know it must be true.
You hear some funny tales while sailing on a trip.
That's a little yarn I heard aboard a ship.

2. The captain said that in New York he saw a clever cove
Come in a bar, where, on the floor, there stood a red-hot stove;
And just to show what he could do, he lifted up his fist
He punched the stove and dented it. He was a pugilist.
But when he went out, another came in. They told him what had been done.
Said he to the boys, "I'm better than him. I'll show you a trick for fun."
Excitement was intense. He proved himself immense.
He got inside the red-hot stove and pushed out all the dents!

3. The captain he went fishing once and caught a giant fish.
It was so large—quite twice as big as any man could wish.
For when he dragged it in the boat, he got a shock, oh, Lor!
It was so big the river sank some twenty miles or more.
Then somebody asked if it was shrimp. The captain said he'd forgot.
"Well, was it a shark?" then asked the mate, "or was it a whale, or what?"
The captain begged to state to the crew, also the mate,
He couldn't remember the name of the fish, but he used a whale for bait!

4. I'll tell the yarn about the goat that ate the cowboy's shirt.
The shirt it was a red one and the cowboy he felt hurt.
He swore he'd kill the goat for that, but swearing sometimes fails.
He dragged it to the railway lines and tied it to the rails.
He left it to die, but when the express came tearing along the line,
The poor little goat he wanted to live, and got an idea so fine.
That red shirt gave him pain. He coughed it up again,
Then waved the red shirt with his mouth and quickly stopped the train.

5. The captain said he once picked up a frozen rattlesnake.
He took it home and kissed it twice till it was wide awake.
The snake went nearly mad with joy and jumped just like a frog,
Then whispered in the captain's ear: "I'll be faithful as a dog!"
But one night a burglar broke into the house when the captain was fast asleep.
The snake seized the burglar by the throat. For the window he made a leap.
The snake got the latch undone. The captain fetched his gun.
The snake then sprang its rattle and the policeman had to come.

6. The captain vowed a sailor once was cast upon a shore,
From off a shipwreck to a place he'd never seen before.
The place was uninhabited. Jack had a nerve of iron,
For soon he came right face to face with such a great big lion!
This beast of a lion he made such a spring and opened his mouth so wide,
That right down his throat Jack shoved his long arm, and when it was right inside,
He gave a mighty shout. It's true without a doubt.
He grabbed the lion by the tail and pulled him inside out!


Very 'music hall' type song - but with possibilities!