Ya' know.......I've had both types as well as any number of other wacky tests in the nucleonics labs and the like and I am convinced there are a few things at play here..........

First, I think someone comes up with a brilliant idea for testing something and then it's turned over to someone else to design the "mechanism" to do the test. Once that is finished it is then given to another character who is some kind of psychotic sadist and he works it over til it's as uncomfortable as possible!

Then it's installed in the testing area in one of several ways, all deemed to be as weird as possible. Either it's just you in a bare room except for the gizmo, or the gizmo is installed somewhere with 4 other gizmos in a room that wouldn't hold one of them. This is especially fun when they won't let you off the cart and insist on moving your ass all over the place.

Then there is the viewing factor........some of these tests are observed by students in nursing, EMS, or whatever and you find yourself with a huge tube up your ass while 50 people observe from the "balcony."

Then there is the "you ain't done this" factor. Let me explain two tests.......Arterial blood gases: A large bore needle is inserted into the artery in your wrist at a 90 degree angle. At the best, this is painful as hell, but find a phlebo with bad skills and you're in for a bad time. Two of them came in to do it at OSU with one checking the other. They spent 30 minutes trying and neither could get enough blood! I, on the other hand, am ready to kill them both! Karen was freaking out herself just watching. The pathologist came back later and did the draw in less than a minute....still hurt, but not for long. You want to ask if these people have ever had it done to themselves just so they'd appreciate what a patient is going through!

The other test that strikes me that anyone who does it needs to have it done to them first is called a TEE......Trans Esophageal Echocardiogram. In this winner they are looking at your heart through your esophagus with a sonagram type pickup. Imagine a garden hose with ridges about an inch apart being shoved down your throat and then maneuvered around for about 10 minutes. It's a real pleasure. I especially like the nurse telling you to breath deeply and relax......"Fuck you, you dumb bitch!!! I'm choking to death on this gawddam hose!!!!" Well, that's what you are saying, but it comes out....."Uhckoo-ooumih..Iaokiawnihawoh".........Yeah, if you do these tests, you need to have them done to you first!!!

Oddly, some of the worst sounding tests are kinda' neat and fun. A heart cath(eterization) is really neat. There is a "bee sting" feel as they do the cutdown on the femoral artery, but after that it's nothing. They insert a long tube up through the aorta and all around the heart and any other arteries they want to look at and you can watch it all on the screen....You never feel a thing and it's interesting as hell. The nasty part of these is that afterwards you have to lay flat on your back for 4-6 hours with pressure on your groin where they opened the artery......and if you have any kind of back trouble, it really sucks!

So Ranger, be thinking about all of these other fun tests and maybe the time will pass more quickly!

Spaw